Jaiya - A Light To Know The Bridge Between Spirituality and Sexuality
Here we are again, folks giving you some insights into one of the most beautiful things we Humans do. One of the most culturally, I would say, misunderstood. In my culture, sex is a taboo subject. Don't talk about it, do it in the dark. Even though it creates life joy and helps cement love between individuals, there's so much there.
Kryon has repeatedly told us that it was created in love for love. It's natural and beautiful, but even talking about it in my culture often becomes extremely controversial, especially in spiritual or health groups. Let's see if we can break some of those cultural barriers with some knowledge tonight.
Jaiya is an internationally recognized award-winning sexologist and bestselling author.
She's the Creator of the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough and the Erotic Blueprint Quiz. She's also the author of four books, including the bestselling one called Red Hot Touch. I want to tell you what she says. I believe she says that sex isn't just something we do. Sex is essential to our health, our vitality, and vibrant aliveness.
Your Erotic Blueprint
Jaiya's mission is to help people claim their desires and gain access to erotic ecstasy. Sex techniques don't create lasting passion and sexual satisfaction. Using the wrong technique on the wrong person can create a turn off, shut down, and possibly even a traumatic response. So what is the answer? How do you keep the fire alive and experience sexual fulfillment?
She discovered that we all have a unique erotic blueprint through client observation and clinical research. Let's uncover your map to ecstasy and experience that very own erotic blueprint breakthrough. Now, there's something else. I think what will be very helpful is that many have experienced sexual trauma, and I can feel in the Field right now that there's even clenching and a tightening of your body for some of you. This doesn't need to be that way. Jaiya has worked with those who carry sexual traumas. I would love for you to begin by sharing how we can move beyond those traumas and then open up to our creative life force.
I love that question, and I love this opening. This idea of pleasure and sexuality being something that helps us at our vitality, and our aliveness, and our wellness. I feel like part of my mission is shifting that we are living in a culture that traumatizes around sex. I don't think that we escape the trauma. I think we all have some aspect just because we live in a sex-negative culture that doesn't understand what sex is. I'm going to start with a definition of sex and expand our minds about that because it isn't just a procreative act. Every cell in our body is wired for pleasure.
I don't think that it's not on purpose. I think on purpose, we hired for pleasure, that our bodies are wired for pleasure but because we have had a rift from ourselves, love, and love of ourselves, and respect of ourselves, and a rift from what sexuality actually is and what sex can do for ourselves, we have trauma.
We have trauma because the medical community and the education we grow up with are afraid of pleasure. I ask audiences worldwide, did you get a positive sex education? I might get one hand that goes up, but most people did get sex education. It's just that their sex education was negative messaging about their body, who they are, and about what sex is.
Speaking directly to your question about trauma is a healing journey. I'm not a trauma therapist, but I work with much sexual trauma. Everyone who comes to see me has some trauma in their history. Something that their parents said to them when they were young, all the way to more severe trauma victims of abuse, victims of trafficking that have come into my practice.
It begins with the breath. I think a lot of us even, maybe now, as we're talking about this topic. You mentioned people's bodies sensing that we all take a breath together, that we can be in this conversation together, and even grounding your feet on the floor. Little things like that, as we even talk about this topic.
The Way to Healing
The healing begins with being able to be with what arises as you think about sex. As you think about maybe something that happened in your history, that you can breathe with it, that you can be with it, that you have grounding techniques, that you have people who can help you, that you work with someone who can be there to hold you and help you rewire.
I believe that trauma lives not just in our psyche but also in our bodies. I'm always looking at four elements for sexual wellness, what's happening in the energetic Field and the Field around you. We're bioenergetic before we're biophysical. I'm looking at the bioenergetics of the system, and then we're looking at the physical body. Is it body-gripping? Is there still something there from the trauma that's being held in the body?
I'm looking at the emotions. What emotions arise as the trauma may surface or as you're with that? What emotion comes up when you think about having sex or sexual interaction? Then the last piece looks at biochemistry. What's happening in the hormonal system in the body? Once we get those four things in a healthful place, we are now in sexual wellness and vitality. From there, we started to play. That's when we start to look at the erotic blueprints and the different types.
There are five different types of erotic blueprints. The first one is energetic, and I assume that many people in your audience would be energetic. Energetics are people who love space, teas, and anticipation. Their sexuality may not necessarily be so physical. When someone goes to touch and collapses the energy, it may feel too much. Their system may overwhelm, especially if there's been trauma in history.
But out here, somewhere out there, playing in the field, that's where their orgasmic capacity may live. They can go into non-ordinary states of consciousness very easily. Have out-of-body orgasms, multidimensional orgasms, making love to the divine. If you find that your eroticism lives on that soul level or in the story of divinity, you may be energetic.
However, the shadow side of the energy can be that they judge sex harshly in physical. Judging a partner who may not be on the same page or feeling like everything's too much too quickly, they short circuit and dissociate from their body and being in their body during the sexual encounter. There's a difference between; I want to clarify dissociation where you say, "I can't take it, it's too much, so I go out of my body, I float out," which is a trauma response. Having an out of body orgasmic experience that's a very different experience.
Then there's the sensual, that's the second type. The sensual someone who wants closeness, so where the energetic loves all this space and nonphysical eroticism. The sensual is more about this contouring sexy touch that feels like it's body to body. It doesn't necessarily get super genital focused with the sensual but can be included in this full-body experience of pleasure and all of the senses being ignited. The taste of something delicious; chocolate, a beautiful piece of music that inspires your body, slow dancing with your lover, or seeing something so beautiful that ignites turn on in you. All of those senses make eroticism delicious.
However, the shadow side can get caught up in your head where you cannot be in your body. You're thinking about, "Oh, I forgot to do that thing, or oh, I didn't call that person back, or here's my to-do list." You're running through your to-do list instead of enjoying the present moment with your lover or with yourself, your own body, any of this.
When I talk about eroticism, it has to be partnered. We can have our own eroticism. I think that's a really important thing is who am I and my own self as an erotic being. That part of the beauty of the erotic blueprints starts to have us discover. "Well, who am I? I'm not what the culture says. I'm not what our culture's conditioning and programming tell me. I should be, based on gender, based on identity, but really who am I? I'm going to discover myself because my eroticism starts with me."
The third one is sexual. It is what we think of sex in the culture. The sexual is someone who's turned on by orgasm, nudity, penetration, by what we think of. When we think of the definition of sex, we often think of intercourse. The shadow side of the sexual is they often believe that because someone says it energetic or sensual. There must be something wrong with everyone else because they don't fit into the dominant norm.
The sexual, the beauty of them is that they can find arousal very quickly. They love sexuality. There's a celebration of sexuality. It doesn't lack depth, but love, it's simple. It's like, "Well, yeah, sex is this. It's like great pizza, like who wouldn't want that all the time." For a sexual, they use sex to relax, and everything feels right in the world when it's happening. In comparison, the sensual needs to relax first. They want the massage, candles, connection, and romance before they go into the sexual experience.
It's very interesting to see how the different blueprints enter play. Then the fourth one is kinky. A kinky is someone who's turned on by what is taboo, in the taboo edges, and going into the taboo places. Some people are more psychologically kinky, and some are more sensation-based. What this might look like if your psychological base would be like role play or playing a game. Where one person's in control and the other person is surrendering control or power over that person. In that play, that can also be beautiful. We need to redefine what that looks like because many people hear kink and think something dark.
We also need to integrate those dark aspects of our sexuality and desires. These polarities show up between sex and love, or darker desires, or lighter desires of love and beauty. When we start to integrate this, we move into more unity consciousness and oneness consciousness with this.
I see this a lot in kink, where people can get more present, and when they integrate those darker elements, taboo elements, or things that they've shamed, they start to move into a different state of consciousness, which is interesting to me. In kink, the shadow side is a deep, deep shame for the things we desire.
My own partner was in this category. I'm a sexologist, and he had a tough time talking to me about some of his desires, even though I do this for a living. I can't even imagine what it's like to be with somebody where you don't feel safe with your partner to start to talk about some of these things.
Then the last one's the shapeshifter. The shapeshifter is someone who's turned on by all of it. You might be a shapeshifter if you heard yourself in all of this. They love to mold and shapeshift themselves into what the moment's calling for. If you have a partner and a shapeshifter, you'll often mold yourself to be what your partner is.
The shadow side of that. However, you're often not pleased with all the variety you love and the huge capacity for pleasure. I've seen shapeshifters for like three hours. I'm like, "Are you good? Did you have enough? No, no, no." They just love; they have this uptake for pleasure, which keeps expanding their capacity for pleasure.
When I'm working with an energetic, I often try to help them. I'm not trying to. I am helping to expand into more capacity like a shapeshifter has because part of the problem with an energetic is they feel so much that they pop out because it's overwhelming in their system.
It Is Not Mismatched
How can we increase capacity? If you're a person with a shapeshifter and they've got all this capacity, and you're energetic, then that's a way that we can start to bridge the gap because it isn't that people are incompatible. If you hear that you and your partner might be a different blueprint. You're not doomed; there isn't an incompatibility issue, it's just simply a skillset. This is learning and helping your body learn and expand into these places.
The first thing is knowing who you are. We start to discover that if you've heard me talking and you're like, "Oh, I think I might be energetic," so the mind tells us one thing, and you can also go take the quiz, that's another way.
I invite you to take the quiz to feel each question, and how your body responds to the responses. The next key is, how does my body respond? To start to map out your body in a very simple way. To do this is to go through the body with different kinds of touch, from energy touch, where you're barely touching, to more sensual touch, just playing with different sensations and seeing what your body says.
Our mind may still have all the conditioning programming and is answering from that place, but then the body has a different truth. We start to uncover more and more of who we are. Once you know your blueprint, the next step is to feed it. To feed that part of you that maybe you've neglected because you didn't know you were energetic. Nobody taught you that you were sensual, or it wasn't safe for you to express your desires and who you are.
After speaking it, what's the language of the blueprint? It's not just about the words, but you may even notice me as I move my body. As I'm going through the different blueprints, like when I'm energetic versus when I'm sensual. What is the language of the blueprint and learning to speak each other's blueprints if you're in a relationship?
Acquire Your Blueprint
Then healing, what are the shadow aspects of the blueprint that puts the breaks on pleasure, and putting breaks on aliveness, wellness, and vitality in sexuality. Those things I talked about at the beginning may lie in those four elements of bioenergetics, biochemistry, the physical or the emotional realms, and looking to go on a healing journey around your sexuality.
Then the final piece is expanding. If anything, our blueprints show us where we're limited. I believe that underneath we're all shapeshifters. I don't have any research to back that up, just my clinical practice over the last 25 years. To see what eventually starts to happen as people heal and open up and get free in this expression of sexuality.
Another thing that I say frequently is sexuality is often the final frontier of our personal spiritual growth. It's where we're least likely to look, and we're most afraid to go into it. This growth that happens as people learn, I know myself, I'm going to own who I am now, my authentic self, my true self. Then from that, I can live a life of pleasure and authenticity. That living is a life of vitality, aliveness, pleasure, and ownership of who you are, everything changes.
Sexuality Knows No Gender
I love this at any age. It doesn't matter what age or gender you are, if you are in a relationship or not; sexuality is you, and it's part of you. It's part of what it means to be a Human Being on this planet and be a celebration of this gift that you have. That is a body we are in, these divine beings playing in bodies, and that you get to have your relationship for a lifetime with that.
Little things like practicing pleasure. What pleases you today? Is it shampooing your hair in the shower? Is it a meditation that you have? Is it connecting with nature that this is a life force, that sex is life. This is all an orgasmic experience, this life that we're in, everything is pleasure, everything can become orgasmic.
It is about that acceptance of self and what is, and that I think underneath it all, we truly are ecstatic joyful, loving beings. Once you can accept that love for yourself, that's it. To me, my front door says sex, but behind it, it's unconditional love for you from you because love loves loving itself.
Sex: A Statement of Love
Sex is just one expression of how we love ourselves, and it can look so many different ways. It could be the sunlight on your skin, and you feel that orgasmic pleasure and that orgasmic blessing no partner or age required. Any of us can have that experience.
Energetic or sensual is music. Energetics can feel the vibration. I have a dearly loved friend who's a vocal coach named Christian Demel. He talks about any time we're speaking, anytime we are sending vibe singing, making music, and vibrating with each other. I love this because this is so energetic to me. I'm primarily energetic.
This idea of vibrating each other is such an erotic idea, such an orgasmic idea. Then the sensual for the sensual, it's the sound of the music. It's how the music affects the body in movement, dance, in the pleasure of hearing and listening to the beauty of the music.
Sensual and energetic have a little bit different flavors. Still, I can listen to a great piece of music and feel ecstasy. Feel the connection with God like this connection of like music is God. I hear musicians talk about this often, having a spiritual experience with music for some people.
A Medium For Self Realization
You can go to theblueprintbreakthrough.com. There are two different forms of the quiz. There's one that's a free version that you can do, a shorter version. Then we have a more in-depth one. It will give you a report based on your blueprint and how it responds to other blueprints.
How I work is all different. We have everything from online courses, live events and private practice. It's quite busy right now. I have a waiting list for a year, I'm so fortunate to be in that position. I think that something's happening in our culture and in the Field where people are craving this journey of sexual aliveness of sexual awakening. I've just seen a lot more people and more interest happening. We're flooded with people coming in.
Start Your Healing Journey
I believe that our healing does involve our sexuality and that wellness has to include it. If you're ignoring this part of yourself, how your pelvic floor works on a physical level, if you are ignoring your sexual aliveness or what's possible around sexuality, and I'm not saying anyone's broken, I think that that's a really important people thing for people to heal here as they're on a healing journey.
You are whole, complete, and perfect just the way you are. A lot of people walk around the world thinking that they're sexually broken, that's something wrong with them, and they're not normal. The healing journey, if you come from a place of wholeness and then you can look at, where in my sexuality have I disowned something? Where am I not in acceptance? What could I do with my pelvic floor at any age? I'm telling you, I have clients in their seventies, and they're just starting this journey.
Attestation on Self-healing
They're like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't know these things were possible in my body. I didn't know." I work with prostate. I work with people who've had childbirth, and they have scar tissue badly and have pain. If you're having pain, doctors and professionals often don't know how to address that. I had one client, I did a research project, and we surveyed 500 women postpartum.
One of them said, "My doctor just gave me numbing cream," and I have nothing against a medical professional. It's just that they're not trained in how to work with some of these things. What's the point of having sex? How do we work with the pain instead if you have numbing cream on? How do we instead work with what's going on there?
I also have a friend, a dear friend Esther. She says we have to have sex worth wanting. On the health tip, if you're having sex that doesn't feel good for you, it's time to heal those parts. Either you are afraid to speak up and say no or say we need to have a change. Have a conversation about that, or heal the physical aspects that are going on, or the biochemical aspects, as I've been discussing.
Connecting Pleasure with Divinity
Then there are all the health benefits to sex and orgasm. I mean, our sex hormones are our youth hormones. There's the spiritual connection that can come from sexuality. It has been my spiritual practice most of my life since I was very young. My pleasure was about my connection to the divine. And so there are those aspects that also keep us healthy.
There's so much research. You can look up some research online on things like an immune system, immune function and orgasm, and being in pleasure and how that fuels us. I think pleasure is fuel. When we stop having pleasure, and we stop, we let our sexuality die. There's an aliveness inside of us that goes away, and a light goes out.
That's so beautiful to have that connection between pleasure and the divine. Many cultures deny pleasure or have guilt and shame around it. This is a beautiful opening to the love connection that the source wants us to experience.
Thank you so much for having me. This has been delightful, and I feel super connected to everyone. I want to leave you all with just loving yourselves, and no matter where you're at on this journey, you are complete. You are perfect, just the way you are in your growth.